Shaken not stirred

Last updated: 3rd June 2010

James Thurber once said: "One Martini is all right, two is too many and three is not enough." Last Bank Holiday Monday I scored a Martini hat-trick and as consequence seriously struggled to make the flight to The Players Championship the next day. The Irish girl warned me never to have three again.

This Bank Holiday Monday 'The Headmaster' failed to show up for golf having let off too much steam celebrating half term so 'Blazer' and I consoled ourselves with a couple of Rosemary Martinis in the Dorchester.

Still at a loose end we made our way across town to the Egerton House hotel where we polished off another six between us. To say the Irish girl was not best pleased would slightly miss the point - she spent the night at her parents.

In a masterful piece of after timing I concocted the dubious explanation that we were so excited about the Epsom Derby this Saturday we felt obliged to toast Sir Michael Stoute's previous derby victories (Shergar 1981, Shahrastini 1986, Kris Kin 2003 and Northern Light 2004) and have one for his runner this year (Workforce).

I backed the animal at 25-1 to win the Derby eight weeks ago, unfortunately the sober truth is I backed the same horse for more than a few shillings to win the Guineas but he never turned up. He is currently best price 11-2 but he'll have to go off 7-2 for me to get my money back.

I notice the Wise One has tipped Ryan Moore to win in America this week. His name sake is on board Workforce and I can sniff a Ryan Moore double at the tasty odds of 560-1.

The Wise One has also picked out my main bet for this week KJ Choi. He's also been tipped up in the Racing Post and decent gamble is underway. He opened up at 33-1 and sustained support at 25-1 could see him go off 20-1 third favourite. I hope we can take at least £1,000,000 off the bookies. I've put my name down for 1%.

I think the best way to back him could be sell of his finishing position at around 33. He has made his last 13 cuts in a row (only Westwood has made more), his stats are solid, he had a chance to shoot 59 last week so is bang in form and he has beaten the quote seven of the ten times he has played at Memorial.

The Welsh Open gets underway this week at Celtic Manor which is also the venue for this year's Ryder Cup. Monty was expecting a strong attendance from the top Ryder Cup contenders but he has been left sorely disappointed with no shows from the back bone of the team in Poulter, Casey, Harrington, Garcia, Westwood and McIlroy.

Only McIlroy really has an excuse as he is playing the Memorial tournament in America but the others are just having a week off. Maybe they've decided to go to the Derby instead.

It early days but Monty has yet to win over his team in the same way as Robin Williams wooed his pupils in Dead Poets Society. It looks like it'll be a while before they raise their putters aloft shouting, 'My captain. O my captain.'

I'm fortunate to have been a captain's pick at the big Ryder Cup Match between England and Romania at Lindrick and Wollaton Park this weekend. Although I think the selection criteria was more a case of availability than ability I'm down for the Friday four balls and foursomes.

The best players of Romania are led by former Romanian Davis Cup Captain Florin Segarceanu. Here is the website http://homepage.ntlworld.com/crholmes/Golf/Home.html and you can follow the scores at http://www.volumeseven.com/client/sitegolfone/match_results.html.

I hope to be in shape and do the nation proud but in truth I'm still a bit stiff after playing table tennis last weekend.

It's no surprise really as I have failed in my new year's resolution to get fit. Inspired by my cousin who successfully completed his 50 marathons in fifty days I started running but found out I'm more of a slow sprinter.

This fitness stuff isn't for me. I think I'll stick to playing golf, betting and drinking Martinis.