Time to seek help

By Dave Tindall Last updated: 9th September 2009

My week got off to a rather humiliating start.

I was beaten (make that thrashed by seven shots) by my three-year-old on Wii Sports Resort golf.

I should probably get used to this sort of thing - son beating dad - but it only seems like yesterday that he was cradled in my arms drinking milk.

However, it is definitely a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it's highly embarrassing to lose to a rival who not that long ago tried to eat the Wii controller rather than play golf with it; on the other, it did make me feel rather proud that he's displaying such a talent and enjoyment for golf (even though it's only simulated golf) at such a young age.

Anyway, it seems I'm not alone. Last month Trevor Immelman posted on his Twitter page that he had taken a beating from his three-year-old on Wii golf so if a Masters champion can get turned over by a toddler, so can I, a 24 handicapper.

Which brings me on to some real golf and the latest chance to see if I could play to 24 or better.

To give a bit of background, my aim used to be to try and break 90. Nine times out of 10 it didn't happen although on one occasion at Cookridge I lowered my best in a sort of freak Bob Beamon manner from 88 to 81. Then, for some reason (well, having a young family), I went five years without playing a single round until I returned to the course at the start of this summer.

I've been wildly inconsistent, failing to break 100 in four of my six rounds but bizarrely threw in a back nine 40 at Moortown.

Tuesday's outing came at Headingley which until recently I thought might be spoiled by students being sick on it.

However, Headingley is so far on the outskirts of Headingley, it isn't really in it at all. Instead it's set in some eye-catching parkland where it's easy to forget where you are (until you cross a road at the sixth and have to break out into a run to avoid van drivers coming at you at 90mph).

The occasion was a challenge match between the Leeds-based Sky Sports/Golf365/Betting Zone websites and the Sky Bet Harrogate team.

In a 'getting to know you' format, the rival offices were mixed to produce four sets of fourballs with each 'team' trying to accumulate as many points between them as they could.

Stableford was the name of the game with the best two scores on each hole counting except for par threes where the best three scores counted.

My team consisted of Sky Bet odds compiler Andy Thorp (handicap 6), Sky Bet Sports Book director Ben Warn (handicap 18) and Sky Sports.com senior football reporter Graeme Bailey (handicap 20).

I've known Ben for years (indeed, he was a witness to my back nine 40 at Moortown) while Thorpy, a very handy player in his youth, I've met a couple of times and chat reguarly with on a golf betting forum. Graeme, despite being the only one of the three to work in our office, I didn't really know too well although I was aware that he's a big Middlesbrough fan.

Hole one at Headingley is a 391-yard par four with a blind tee-shot. Thorpy murdered a drive which ended right down in the valley leaving him an easy par and two points while Graeme's six gave us a first hole tally of 3pts after Ben and I made a complete horlicks of it.

Perhaps I was phased by Graeme's backswing. I'd never seen him play before so looked on rather surprised when he started his downswing having only brought his hybrid three quarters of the way back. In that split second, I made a snap judgement that the ball would fly about 125 yards and that he was a rubbish driver until I saw him make sweet contact and produce a creamy follow through.

Now what did that remind me of? I know, my three-year-old Joe. His Wii swing is very similar (short back swing, long follow through) so I think I had flashbacks of Monday's loss and it put me off my stroke.

All golfers, especially mid/high handicappers, know that there's always one part of the game that deserts you each round and the wheel of ill-fortune appeared to have settled on my driving on this particular day - annoying and a bit embarrassing as I'd been showing off my new G15 PING driver and boasting how it had turned my driving around.

The G15 driver is a brilliant club but by 'forgiving' it doesn't cater for you hitting the ground about six inches behind the ball and my first four drives were all woeful as they left that horrid looking angled scrape of mud and grass behind the tee peg.

Hole five got me going though. It's a strange one as on the card it's Stroke Index 1 despite being a 363 yard par four with a relatively minor incline. A good drive (measured at 241 yards my by SkyCaddie - review to follow this week) left me a short iron in and a two-putt par made it a net eagle as I was getting two shots. Ben made a superb birdie (also a net eagle) so it was a hefty eight-point haul.

That was about as good as it got for me although Graeme was diligently keeping score and when I checked the card later I'd scored 15pts on the outward nine and 26 overall so it wasn't a complete write-off. I suppose.

By halfway we'd amassed 42 points ("solid" said Graeme) but felt we needed to kick on a bit if we were to go on and win the thing.

My contribution was virtually nil for a while although it did pick up later when Ben magically produced a Snickers from his golf bag after I'd said I could do with a Mars bar as I was wilting. I responded with seven points over the last three holes so it definitely did the trick.

Thorpy was starting to lose his rag a bit over the back nine as his overswing - a dramatic contrast to Graeme's underswing - kicked in badly. He's clearly very aware of the problem, so much so that if you see the name Overswing on Twitter, that's Thorpy!

Between turning the air blue, he did produce a few late prodigious drives while Ben's low booring tee shots were well-honed now and perfect for the wind which was starting to pick up.

The star of the show though was Graeme.

His final scorecard revealed nothing higher than a six and he ended up shooting a gross score of 88 - good going for a 20 handicapper getting a first look at a course (par 71) which rolls up and down and probably takes a bit of knowing.

The highlight was Graeme's birdie two on 17 after putting his tee-shot to four feet. My bogey four translated into a net eagle while Thorpy's par meant a massive 10-point haul. It would prove crucial.

As we left the green on 17, the skies that had been threatening to shower us with rain finally did so. Whilst fighting my umbrella (it kept inverting - note to self: put cheap umbrellas on my "don't skimp on" list which includes toilet roll and bin liners), I, being the idiot I am, lost my SkyCaddie. However, despite being soaked and panicky after the horrid frantic search through pockets you do after losing something I managed to scrape a bogey five after hitting a third shot under the trees and onto the green whilst on the run (arguably my best shot of the day).

Ben's par made it five points and a back nine team score of 45.

But would our final tally of 87 be good enough? Thanks to that rousing finish of 15pts over the final two holes it was.

Despite Sky Sports.com's golf man Mark Kendall nearly holing out for eagle at 15 on his way to contributing 29 points (or so he tells me), his quartet featuring Golf365 marketing man Dave Keywood (handicap 2), Sky Bet golf odds compiler John Rhodes and Sky marketing's Liam Wallwork ended up two points short with 85.

And, as an added bonus, Sky Bet Sportsbook content manager Steve Bramley, who had kindly put the match together, had found my SkyCaddie on the 17th.

But after fish, chips and mushy peas I drove home with plenty to ponder. Should I finally have some golf lessons? Graeme says he paid £75 for seven golf lessons and it was the best £75 he ever spent (maybe if he'd paid £100 he'd have come away with a full back swing? Ho Ho!)

Who knows, if I do finally turn to a pro to cure my golfing ills, I might even be able to beat my three-year-old on the Wii.

Dave Tindall